Wednesday, 25 February 2015

The Thing of It Is...

So amidst a number of overtime shifts that nearly killed me and my will to live due to sheer exhaustion (how people work Monday to Friday jobs and wake up every single morning to go to work with only two days off between is a complete mystery to me), I had an epiphany. A tiny realization of one of the most influential and essential aspects of any good relationship. And it is completely and utterly out of a person's control.

Timing.

This is likely not something new to you and it's not exactly new to me, either. I've had a few situations over the years where the timing of meeting someone just did not jive with me or my current life state. But until recently, I don't think I realized just how crucial timing is.

You could be a perfectly awesome woman - a single woman with a lot to offer who has, as of late, been losing faith in the idea of good men existing in your world. And BAM! you could meet (or in my case, have someone from your past be reinserted in your life in an entirely new context) a perfectly awesome, good man. You guys could even spend a bit of time together, and you might even get excited at the prospect of someone who you not only connect with, but who might just hold some kind of potential for the future. And maybe even, instead of being your normal neurotic and impatient self, you're relaxed. You calmly anticipate whatever is coming because this guy seems like he's worth getting to know, whatever the pace.

And then...bad timing steps in; and despite your mutual awesome-ness, this new thing is just not going to go anywhere right now. And the only thing you can do is realize it, accept it, and move on.

Does anyone else ever just get pissed off at having to be mature about a situation and move on from it? Sometimes I want to revert to being a 5 year old who threw an absolute hissy fit at my mom who had to put me in the porch until I calmed myself down (my mom will remember what this hissy fit was about and exactly how old I was, I just remember being insanely irrational, ridiculous and feeling so ashamed after I was done losing my shit). This, of course, would get me nowhere right now. But somehow I feel like it might be satisfying to scream at the top of my lungs and flail my limbs around a little. You know, show the universe how frustrated I am.

I did not throw a tantrum, just so you know. (I am definitely superbly excellent at bad timing, FYI, hence being the female version of Good Luck Chuck.) Instead, I surprised myself. There was no resurgence of the bitterness I usually feel when yet another attempt at dating fails (which I feel means I am actually maturing, not just getting older chronologically...however there was a little dance floor make-out sesh the other night that would suggest otherwise, HA!). I had my little epiphany, and realized that beating myself up over something out of my control is useless.

The thing of it is, and I shit you not...timing is everything when it comes to dating. If the timing isn't right, anything you push forward in terms of a relationship is going to be lopsided. One person is going to be all-in, the other person isn't going to be able to open themselves up for that, and eventually, it's not going to end well (trust me, I speak from experience). I don't need to put myself in another situation that's inevitably going to hurt me, and I certainly don't want to force yet another relationship out of my need for companionship. Who knows why I would finally (like really, finally) meet a great guy only to have bad timing intervene and dash any hopes I have. Maybe this a way for the universe to let me know that good men still exist, and I might one day actually meet one with impeccable timing...? Maybe what's coming around the corner is even better? Maybe I just need to calm the fuck down and roll with the punches a little more?

Wait a minute...who is this positive person with some sliver of hope glimmering in the darkness heretofore known as her dating life!? I mean, holy shit, am I actually learning something out of all this??? Is it possible that I've gained some wisdom???

This is what goes through my mind anytime I have these little epiphanies that make me feel like I might actually be a grown-up...then I remember my shopaholic tendencies and my propensity for drinking far too much wine and I let out a sigh of relief...I'm not a grown-up...yet.

A

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