Oops. Follow-through is not my strong suit.
This may actually be the first time since early December I’ve had the luxury of sitting on my couch and staring at a blank computer screen. For serious. I’ve had three trips to Calgary, one round of introducing my boyfriend to my entire family and many of my friends, and a bloody shit ton of shifts in between. Life, as they say, has gotten in the way. (Do they say that? Am I making shit up right now? I’ve been on a detox for two weeks and I haven’t had wine, maybe you shouldn’t believe me at the moment. I miss wine.)
Specifically, life’s gotten in the way of this whole writing thing. I’m living in long-distance limbo - constantly going back and forth to Calgary, planning visits, and sending resumés into the online abyss of the healthcare field in Alberta (to no avail as of yet, le sigh), and I’ve not thought for a second of writing.
I feel speechless, in every way possible.
My life is full of exciting change right now - a niece on the way, a baby room to paint and decorate (as self-appointed baby room decorator this I take this responsibility very seriously and only once has my mother told me to make sure my one-day sister-in-law has input), a boyfriend to love (and who conveniently loves me back, go figure), and a move to plan. I’m nervous and thrilled for it all, and sometimes all the love overwhelms me and I find myself speechless (weird, I know, since I keep typing and words keep making their way to the page).
On the other hand…there is so much change (say that with a heavy, morose accent) not only in our world, but in our own beautiful country. It’s exhausting and heart-breaking to read the news, and I’m thankful I don’t have cable - I can escape from the bullshit just a little bit easier (but I can’t watch Super Bowl, there is a trade off). Except, I’m feeling as though to escape is to silently acquiesce to this violence and hateful vomitus. And that seems like a wretched option. I have plans and ideas for all of the lovely things in my life mentioned above…I have no clue just yet how to play my part in this fight to uphold morality, justice, and equality. But I do have one teensy idea.
I can, and I will, choose love over hate, every time. That may be all I can muster at this point, it may be minuscule in the face of seemingly overwhelming venomous politicians and political agendas. But I will continue to choose love, I will not let these people shake my belief in humankind and its propensity to overcome hatred and let love reign.
With all my love, especially to the victims and families affected by the horrendous shooting in Quebec...
P.S. - I was recently gifted a print by a lovely soul which says "life should have background music," and I couldn't agree more. Because I always have a song playing in my mind, and because this one seems all too appropriate for humankind right now.