Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Procrastination Nation

So listen, when I said I’m not great at handling change, I may have been underestimating my ability to avoid dealing with the looming presence of change in my life. I’ve made some strides in getting myself ready, physically, for this move. I’ve sold things, purged my closet, and partially dismantled my cozy little home in this wee downtown apartment. Emotionally, I have no clue what the fuck to do.

I’ve spent the majority of today taking procrastination to new heights. I mean, I made one semi-productive phone call to ensure my casual status at my current job remains, at least for the foreseeable future. I have also, however, made my way through at least two seasons of The Mindy Project, ordered thai food (because the 60 km/h winds outside are deterring me from becoming presentable to the public and venturing outside), and sat here on my couch surveying the remnants of my furniture. I’ve also tried on four pairs of shoes that were on the chopping block, only to strut themselves convincingly right back into my closet (I can’t really part with studded blue suede platform heels, now can I).

I’m supposed to be packing. There are boxes waiting to be assembled and filled in my entryway, and numerous items requiring my attention. Instead, I have spent the day on my couch avoiding emotions. As I fired up my laptop to write and clicked play in iTunes to distract my brain, cheesy songs have made me stop in my typing tracks and commence in a full-on ugly cry. Damn Celine Dion and her ability to pull at my heart strings with such favourites as ‘Because You Loved Me.’

The reality of this whole leave-your-family-and-friends-behind thing is landing heavily on my heart and settling in, and it’s increasingly difficult to reconcile that with the nervous excitement coursing through me. On the one hand, I’m leaving so much behind in Saskatoon. On the other hand, I get my beloved non-lesbian life partner, former roomie (but not so former anymore!) back as I’m squatting in her basement for a while (not sure her boyfriend is quite aware of what he signed up for). I get to explore life in a bigger city and everything it has to offer. I GET TO SNOWBOARD MORE (definitely a positive motivating factor). And then of course, (save the best for last, right?) the prospect of a legit relationship with regular interaction not requiring a six hour drive across provinces…incredibly awesomely thrilling.

Except now there’s only ten days left. Five more shifts at work, and ten days total to pack up, hit the storage facility known as my brother’s basement, and drive caravan-style with my parents to Calgary. Maybe it’s reality sinking in, maybe it’s the first of many farewells I said last night to some friends, and maybe it’s the homemade wine I started drinking as I assembled boxes and stared at their vast emptiness…but this shit is feeling real, and it makes me want to spend all day on my couch avoiding it.

Guess I can knock complete and utter procrastination off the list of things to do. Now, let’s fill those boxes and get down to business. Right after this episode…

A

P.S. - This:

“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road